I used to watch a sitcom called The I.T. Crowd that featured a couple of techno-geeks who were managed by their boss in the small basement office of a corporation with many employees. When someone would phone for assistance with their computers, the running gag was,
Two recent presentations aired by PESI (a non-protfit education group) gave me some great information, and got me thinking again about the importance of couples work and its connection with Attachment Theory and the brain!
Bessel van der Kolk and Dan Siegel talked about trauma and attachment. What does this have to do with couples? Well, in some couples one or both of the partners has had
Most of us have had the feeling that we’re stuck in the same old rut. Whether it’s our usual Friday night dinner (pizza again?) or the conversation we’ve had a hundred times before (I TOLD you to please clean up after yourself!) or even our own repetitive thoughts (how
To learn about attachment, Rhesus monkeys were studied by Harry F. Harlow in the 50s. The ethics of these studies have been questioned by many. Harlow isolated monkeys, and “raised” them with cloth or wire mother figures to determine how the baby monkeys fared.
Not surprisingly, they developed into fearful, unhappy, maladjusted creatures who had trouble relating to other monkeys, being good parents themselves, or even mating. Human beings, primates, and no doubt other animals, require stable, attentive, caring parents or attachment figures in order to develop emotionally healthy lives.Humans form attachments to
We’ve all had them – those nights when we toss and turn, unable to forget the angry email from a friend, the thoughtless remark made by a stranger on the street, or the challenging comment made by a loved one. Round and round and round the phrases go – we nurture and stroke them, replaying them with flair. We dream up the perfect comebacks. Sadly, those imagined conversations are not satisfying, and are often upsetting, annoying and repetitive.