Calm Down!

Giving Your Full Attention to Your Partner Can be Very Soothing

I once read that one of the best qualities you can bring to a relationship is the ability to self-soothe. In other words, you maintain your own emotional equilibrium even if your partner is bouncing off the walls. When you are calm, you can be of service to your partner by being fully present with what is going on for them.

In reading Stan Tatkin’s book Wired for Dating I came across what could be considered the second part of this concept. He

Take-Aways for Couples

Sometimes when I am taking a course or listening to a lecture, the presenter will talk about “take-aways”. What is a take-away? It’s usually a summary of the session and can be a valuable tool to aid in review and help memorize key points. In thinking about this recently I realized that it would be great to present a package of take-aways to couples who have completed a block of counselling sessions with me. So, what could be in this package?

Talking About Sex - Part 2

I last blogged about the beginning of my training, along with 19 other therapists, with Martha Kauppi, sex therapist and educator. The course is now over, and I learned a lot! Here are a few of the gems that Martha bestowed upon us.

The Linear Model of Sex/The Circular Model of Sex

The Linear Model

What Do You Want to Know About Sex?

How do YOU talk about sex? Or, maybe I should ask, DO you talk about sex? It’s a topic that interests many of us, yet cultural, emotional, or religious taboos may prevent us from speaking openly about sex, even with our partners (if we have them).

Do you have a question about sex that you’d like to have answered? Here’s your chance!

Upstairs Downstairs - Part 2

This blog post is a continuation of the last one, Upstairs Downstairs (In Your Brain), and describes 6 more techniques to help you engage your child’s upstairs brain - encouraging them to manage their feelings and connect with others in ways that will serve them throughout their life. It is based on the work of Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson, PhD in their book The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind.

Upstairs Downstairs (In Your Brain)

Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson Ph.D. have written a book called The Whole-Brain Child. The book is aimed at parents, and provides them with “12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind”.

Pressing the Reset Button

I used to watch a sitcom called The I.T. Crowd that featured a couple of techno-geeks who were managed by their boss in the small basement office of a corporation with many employees. When someone would phone for assistance with their computers, the running gag was,

Making Room for Feelings

It’s not unusual for us to try to deal with our feelings in ways that aren’t helpful.

Broadly speaking, there seem to be three ways to try to cope:

Got Patience?


I found myself in the position of waiting for something over the last two weeks. It can be difficult to wait with grace – which is pretty much how I see patience I guess.

In the past, some of the characteristics of impatience that I’ve noticed are one’s tendency to be:

Let the Healing Begin!


Two recent presentations aired by PESI (a non-protfit education group) gave me some great information, and got me thinking again about the importance of couples work and its connection with Attachment Theory and the brain!


Bessel van der Kolk and Dan Siegel talked about trauma and attachment. What does this have to do with couples? Well, in some couples one or both of the partners has had


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